things i've heard in my first month at jiffy lube:
-"i need an occasional maintenance fuck"
-a cheeseburger strike the glass door to the customer lounge
-"my wife hates it when i'm on steroids because i'm always jumping her"
-"i do what i want!"
-"keep it down, larry, the customer can hear you,"'well, fuck him, too!"
-what it sounds like when a hyundai accent burns rubber
-"i could make love to that all night long"
-"she hasn't had sex with me yet because of her cancer treatments"
-a shouting match between a 20 year old smart ass and a pudgy middle-aged man from the caribbean
-"(heh, heh) hey, throw that big red switch!" [clunk] "no, wait! (shit)" "dammit, who did that? if you broke all the computers, its your ass!"
-"yeah, i have acid reflux and i vomited phlegm all over the inside of the car, so can you wash the inside windows too?"
-"work hard, play hard, you know what i mean!"
-"i need a break, i haven't had a smoke in an hour!"
-"its always five o'clock somewhere!" "no, only 24 times a day" "well, it is in margaritaville!"
-"this customer only speaks spanish, so if you don't, i can..." "ok, 'nuff said, one dump and pump for jose!" "uh..." "i don't speak spanish, cuz this is america!"
...and that's the stuff i haven't blocked out in an effort stave off lobotomy via osmosis. i need a new job.
a big ford v8 diesel truck came in the other day and the owner said as he got out, "this truck has a lot of miles on it." when i checked th odometer, it read 34786.5. i was just thinking, "that's not so much," when i realized there was no decimal point. this heavy duty work truck, beat up as it was, had managed to accumulate almost 350,000 miles. i'm buying a diesel and so should you.
